Numbing.

So what is numbing? A quick google search tells me that numbness describes a loss of sensation or feeling in a part of your body. You can also feel numb when you’re unable to think, feel or react normally because of something that shocks you or upsets you. But today we’re gonna talk about a different kind of numbness. Intentional numbing.

When I first heard that people intentionally numb themselves I didn’t get the meaning of it. Numbing yourself? Why would you do that? Well now I know. Especially cause I’ve done it to myself countless times. I wasn’t aware that I was doing it, but I was. Numbing myself was an unsuccessful way of me trying to protect myself from my uncomfortable and negative feelings. Numbing feels nice, can’t lie about it. It’s a way of shutting down your bad feelings and experiences. Numbing became my favourite coping tool to not confronting my problems or emotions. Convenient right? Oh, I know.

Uncomfortable thoughts today? Oh, let me have a glass of wine. Really like the guy I’m dating and I’m afraid of looking stupid? Let me order a second cocktail. Feeling stressed? Let me have a piece of cake, even though I’m not hungry. All these are very common examples of numbing. Not to mention the use of drugs or smoking. All of them numbing. And let me tell you, they do the job perfectly! Momentarily though.. In the long process? Not helpful at all. They’re all coping mechanisms to distract ourselves. Feels better to hold a cigarette in your hands and seem occupied when your girlfriends left you alone at the party and no one is talking to you. It’s easier to drink three glasses of wine tonight so you don’t have to deal with your problems. It feels better to eat a whole packet of cookies than to face the fact that you feel emotionally disconnected with everyone, right? I know. I get it. I’ve been there. And because I’ve been there I can tell you with total certainty that creating a bigger problem than the ones you already have isn’t helpful.

We’ve seen it in movies and TV shows. You just broke up? Let’s get drunk. You feel lonely? Let me buy you a bar of chocolate. We’ve seen it so many times that we ended up normalising it. But trust me, numbing your pain isn’t normal. Neither useful. There are other practices though to help us feel mentally stable. You think I prefer meditating than drinking? No, I prefer the wine. But really what is gonna help me in the long run? Numbing the pain or facing it? Numbing is an easy habit to adopt. But I know you can do better than this.

One of my favourite writers, Glennon Doyle, once said that when she became sober she remembered why she started drinking in the first place. Yep. Exactly. Cause life is hard. Life is meant to be hard. Life is full of challenges we need to accept them in order to grow and become stronger. You didn’t sign up for an easy life. You didn’t. That’s what makes life so beautiful and precious. The hard days. The pain. You’re a human being. And do you know what it means to be human? To feel your feelings. To feel everything. The bad and the good. There’s not a single human being on this planet earth that is always happy. There isn’t. Being human means to be mad, to feel misery, feel angry, feel rage, feel unhappy, sad, worthless at times, to feel everything. You’re not a weirdo. Trust me you’re not. Let them act like they have it all together, believe me they don’t. We all try to show our best selves in social media and in real life. But being happy all the time is not real. It can’t be.

It’s ok to drink more than you should cause you feel like it, it’s ok to eat chocolate so quickly that you don’t even notice its flavour. It’s ok. Cause you’re human. And humans are imperfect. Just don’t make it a habit. Try to be aware of your actions. Forgive yourself and next time you’ll do better. Next time you’ll enjoy the chocolate instead of swallowing it in thirty seconds.

You’re strong. You’re capable of facing any challenge that comes your way. Believe in yourself, and you’re halfway there. You are precious with unique talents, skills and gifts in this world. Face the difficult times, face the fear. You can do it. You know you can. You’re here to shine no matter what happens, no matter your past and no matter how stuck, sad or alone you feel right now. There’s not a secret that successful and happy people know that we don’t. It’s all a matter of small tiny daily habits that change someone’s projection of life. Start small. Create good helpful habits and in a matter of time you’ll be a completely different person. You deserve the gift of life you have been given. Make it count. I believe in you. You got this.