I guess you’re not surprised by the today’s topic. So common nowadays. Cause nobody knows what they want in their lives, nobody’s ready for a serious relationship and it’s very easy to replace someone. Is it? Really?
I’m sure most of you have already been in an open relationship if you’re not in one right now. Most of my friends are casually seeing someone but are not in a relationship with them. What the heck is wrong with our world? What’s so fearful about committing? If you change your mind you can break up right? But it seems like things are more complicated for most of us. Or better said, we like to believe it is. Cause they’re really not.
I remember that I once heard that girls grow up seeing disney movies with prince and princesses and a happy end, fairytale story while the boys grow up watching porn. I also remember my ex boyfriend saying to me that he was always avoiding women between the age of twenty-five to thirty. He said that that’s the age when women are kind of crazy to get married and settle down. I was shocked. I told his statement to a male friend of mine and he agreed saying “Haha, that’s so true”. So I guess that’s why I’m single?! (I’m twenty-seven). My age might scare men.
But I digress. Back to our topic. I believe that open relationships are great when both of the partners don’t want to commit. You just want some support, some great dates and generally you just want to have fun without being seriously committed. And that’s alright. But that rarely happens. Most of us find ourselves in open relationships when we wanted just the opposite. A truly committed partner. So why does that happen? When does everything go so wrong? Why do I hear so many people complaining about how their relationship does not evolve?
Well, unfortunately the answer is quite simple. It’s not as complicated as we think it is. He or she does not always have a commitment problem. He/she is not always traumatised by a relationship of the past. What if he/she just does not wanna be with you? You know, that happens. What if he/she just wanna have fun until they find what they’re really searching for? It’s selfish. I know. But we’re human beings and most the times we are selfish. He might find you funny but he doesn’t wanna be with you. He likes you, but he is doesn’t wanna be with you. He has a great time being around you but he doesn’t wanna be with you. He might even love you but he’s not in love with you. Sorry to ruin it for you but things might actually be much more simple than we wanted to imagine.
Sometimes the other person will be clear with you from the start of the relationship. Sometimes he won’t. But it doesn’t really matter as the result is usually the same. If the relationship isn’t evolving it’s because one of the partners does not want it to evolve. Don’t even try to think that you can change them. Don’t. Just don’t. I tried it, it doesn’t work. Do you know why you liked Bridgerton show on netflix so much? Cause the Lord, Simon who is so opposed to marriage and children, suddenly changes all his beliefs about a woman he loves. Sorry but that rarely happens. It’s the exception to the rule and not the rule.
Whatever the situation, why wait? Seriously why? I waited for someone to decide about if he wanted to be with me for two years. And he still doesn’t know. Or actually he knows, but he never said it. And I’m actually kind of lucky to realise it in the two years mark, do you know how long did it took other women? Eleven years. Yep. Eleven! So really? What exactly are you waiting for? Why do you settle for an open relationship when all you want is a committed one? If you think that he’ll change his mind when he sees how nurturing and beautiful you are, girl wash your face as one of my favourite writers, Rachel Hollis -buy her books, would say. He knows you’re a great person, he knows you are beautiful. He does. But that doesn’t change the fact that he doesn’t wanna be with you. He just doesn’t see the potential you are seeing and that’s okay! Trust me, it’s not about you. It’s really not.
So please, listen to your girl Vicky and do not wait for him to change his mind! Cause he never will! If he was in love with you, he would know it by now. He would have shown it to you. You would be his number one priority and not his third. So stop losing your time. Give him a good hearty kiss and go your own way. A man who’s in love with you, won’t find excuses to justify why he didn’t treat you right. He just won’t do it! A man who’s in love with you won’t hesitate to commit. He will want to be with you. All day err day! Some people just don’t “click”. That’s fine. Shit happens. That’s life. But you might deserve a better one. Ever though about this? The founder of IT cosmetics says that rejection is god’s protection. Whatever you believe in, just run with it.
And on a finish note, do you really wanna be with someone who doesn’t give you 100% of himself? Seriously? I bet it’s more of an ego thing, I mean you ,wanting him so bad that you don’t have them, rather than real love. Stop this insanity right now. You deserve a kind, gorgeous man, who will be crazy in love with you. Who will never make you question his love for you. Nothing less. You deserve better. You deserve more. Stop giving your precious time to relationships that it’s obvious they’re not gonna evolve to something more. Stop having a high tolerance for minimal effort. Don’t see it as a loss. See it as a beautiful experience. Stay fabulous stay, awesome. You got this!
A Better Me. 