My Ex.

I have been single, three years now. Not that I didn’t want to get into a relationship but sadly, because these last years I never met anyone I truly felt a connection with. Attraction is a complex thing. Hard to find. I was dating but nothing really worked out. And then, I met my ex.

The last two and a half years in London I was actively searching for love. No matter how much I wanted it, it didn’t come. To be honest I was feeling a little flat in my life. I missed love. I missed falling in love. I missed the feeling. This feeling of feeling alive that love gives you on the first stages of a relationship. I remember saying to myself and my besties “I want to fall in love!”. My wish decided to come true.

Summer of 2020 and I was in my hometown in Greece. I remember being on my niece’s baptism and being at my worst. I was feeling sad, unhappy and unloved. A guy I was dating had ghosted me with no real explanation. I was really upset. Two days after, one my girlfriend’s friend, a male friend asked me out. Sure I thought. Why not, staying at home crying about all I haven’t accomplished in my life isn’t a better idea. I could use some alcohol and a friendly company, I thought. I knew this man. I knew him through my bestie, Mary. He was kind, funny, and handsome. It never crossed my mind though that me and him could be something more than friends.

I was wrong. First date and the chemistry between us was good. Actually it wasn’t good. It was perfect. Breathtaking. One week later we were officially a couple. I was in seventh heaven. I was glowing, he made me laugh so much and I loved the way he kissed. Everyone around me said I looked happy. -Only imagine how miserable I must have looked. Every minute spent with him passed so quickly. I haven’t felt like that for a long time. I haven’t been in love for a long time. It felt like magic.

Four months into the relationship and there we go, he dumps me. He gave me good reasons for the end of our relationship, still nothing felt genuine to me. I wish men had the balls to be honest. To be able to say I’m over you. It hurts but at least it would be the truth. I can accept that. Feelings change. Life happens. Shit happens. But the bul***it excuses? No, I cannot accept those. Simple cause I’m a grown up woman and very smart to know that in real love there are no excuses. If you really wanna be with someone you try your best. You give it your best shot. Period. But he didn’t wanna try. Maybe his feelings faded. There was nothing I could do, other than accept it.

This relationship felt like a summer love. You know, when the weather is good, and out of nowhere you fall in love. You have the time of your life, you enjoy it fully and by September everything’s over. I won’t lie. This breakup hurt. I liked him. Of course he had bad habits and annoying behaviours like we all do, but I liked him. He was fun to be with. And the chemistry was really good. Another thing which is hard to find.

I had hard time accepting the end, I was at denial. I had a moth of ugly crying, drinking irresponsibly and being grumpy. After a couple of sleepless nights I decided it was time to move on with my life. It hurt, cause I really thought this could go far. This one would last. But it takes two to tango. For one more time my expectations betrayed me. Moral of the story? My wish came true. I did fall in love. But nothing more. So as this old quote says, be careful what you wish for. But even though I now know the end I would still do it all again. Cause it was fun. And what we felt at the time was real. And after all, I felt what I was craving. Alive.

I still miss him sometimes. I truly love him and I wish him the best. I won’t forget how he made me feel. Yet we part ways so I guess we weren’t meant to be. You can’t force love. Love is an energy. It should come naturally. Love is tricky. Love can be painful. I accidentally assumed that his love was real but sadly it was just an excitement of the moment. That’s alright. Life knows better I guess. I trust you, life.

Time for something new. Don’t ever lose hope no matter how painful your last love was. No matter how much you wanted it to work out but it didn’t. There is much love out there. Think abundantly. Love with all you have no matter what. Love is alluring. Don’t hold back. Experience it.