He moved on.

He came by my house to leave my stuff. He was sweet and kind. It felt nice seeing him. I know he has a new girlfriend. I didn’t ask much. We had a small talk. He looked great in his stupid yellow hoodie. He left. I didn’t cry. I was fine. I was feeling ok. After all we were never in a relationship. It was me, for three years who was trying to create a relationship.

The next day I went for lunch with my bestie around Notting Hill. We were having fun but at some point I started talking about him. Obviously, he was on my mind. It’s weird for me being in London and knowing that I cannot text him. And suddenly it happened. There he was. He walked by. I saw him through the window. He was holding hands with a blonde girl. It was him. I recognised him from his coat. This coat in which he always looked so attractive. I recognised him from the way he walked. The back of his neck. His long legs. It was him. The pain was excruciating.

My eyes started to tear up. I started shaking. My friend was trying to calm me down, saying all the right things. I honestly couldn’t hear her. I was deaf from what I just saw. Him with his new girlfriend. Funny how I thought I was okay with that. Funny how I thought I would never cry for him again.

I love him. I still love him. He never did, but I do. To me he is the perfect man. He’s one of my favourite human beings on this planet. Did I put him on a pedestal? Maybe. I bet he doesn’t even care where I am or what I’m doing. And here I am, still missing him. Here I am still writing my love for him. But that’s okay. Love isn’t always reciprocated. That’s the risk you’re taking when you fall in love.

I think about him everyday. Cannot stand listening to a sad song without having a drink. I miss him. And I will keep on missing him for a long time. But life goes on. Nobody cares about my broken heart. There’s nothing else for me to do than accept it and move on. I’ll love again. I’ll fall in love again. And it will be better. He will be a better match for me.

I wish him all the happiness in his life. He deserves it. He broke my heart but it wasn’t his fault that I loved him. I just wasn’t what he was looking for. And that happens. I wish I’ll forget him.

I will. I will forget him. I just need time. I loved him with all my heart. But life goes on. And I know that. I’m just trying to figure out how to focus on my life when all I think about is him. I need some inner peace which right now I cannot find inside me. Wish me luck.

Goodbye you, my love of three years. Stay safe.