Author: Vicky_G

Everytime I close my eyes, I can see him. I can see him in his office looking watches on his laptop. Drinking a neat whiskey and in the background, jazz music is playing. His legs are laying on the desk. He’s wearing a white T-shirt and grey sweatpants. Anytime I wanna see him, I can see him. I can see his hands. His fingers. His nails. His feet. I can see everything I want of him, in so much detail. I can see him sleep. I can feel his hair through my hands. I can even smell his scent if I want to. Funny how much you notice when you love someone.

Today I broke. Today I had it up to here. We sent some texts back n’ forth. He was just asking for his keys. That’s the only thing he texted me for, of course. I couldn’t hold my thoughts anymore. I said things that I wanted to say. Things that I needed to say. Things that I shouldn’t say. Things that show how much I still cared. I figured, life is so f***ing small, if I wanna say something, I’m allowed to do so. So I did. I told him how impressed I was of how easily he can forget people when he doesn’t need them anymore. How easy it was for him to get rid of people in his life without even caring. Obviously, he didn’t like it. He called me. Twice. I didn’t answer. I didn’t wanna answer. He would say how in the wrong I was in his own perspective. But you know what? I actually didn’t care about what he had to say. Whatever he said wouldn’t change how I feel. He wouldn’t even acknowledge why I was feeling this way. Because simply, he doesn’t give a damn.

I feel mad. Mad with myself for being so stupid and naive. He threw me out of his life like I was f***ing garbage. He didn’t even feel a thing. He had done this before countless times. I was always so good at finding excuses for him. But not anymore. I’m done. He always thought he was right about everything. He always knew what was best for everyone. He was never wrong. Everyone else was making bad decisions but him? Never. He always had this sense of entitlement. He was always “so perfect”. I’m bored of that shit. Hope his new girlfriend can handle it.

Three years into a relationship and I just found out how big his ego was. How much of a narcissist he is. He cannot love anyone. How would he love me? And if he’s not a real narcissist he’s just a big as***le. So I guess the result is the same. How to handle it? Stay away from him. Will I miss him? Yes. Will I cry about him? Yes. Will I keep on thinking about him? Yes. Will I be able to get him out of my heart? Maybe. Will I forget him? At some point. But no matter how much it hurts you shouldn’t date a a toxic person. Someone who makes you feel like you don’t deserve love. Stay away. And be careful of the charming ones. They’re always the worst.

Usually when the other person moves immediately it’s a clear sign that they never loved you. They don’t mourn, they don’t feel sad. They just go on with their lives. Like you never even existed. This can be a very triggering rejection. And unfortunately there’s nothing you can really do about it other than accept it.

No matter how hurt or sad I feel I don’t regret loving him. I regret not standing for myself. I regret accepting this behaviour. I regret not having the balls to end it when I should have. I regret allowing him to come back into my life when he first left me for another girl. Don’t accept mistreatment, don’t accept disrespect. You deserve better. Wipe your tears, have a glass of water and take a deep breath. It sucks but we’ll get through it. Wear your big girl pants and let him go. Tomorrow is gonna be a new day. A better day. Life will go on. And it’ll be so much better without him. Mark my words.

He sent me a message today. He asked for his keys. The pair of keys he gave me almost three years ago. I remembering him giving me his keys. I remember how happy I felt. I remember thinking if that was his way of telling me that I meant something to him. It was a pair of three keys with a perfectly conditioned key chain. I used them a lot throughout our relationship. I used them a lot when I used to live at his place.

I found the keys the other day. I hold them tightly in my hand and then quickly put them away, before I had the chance to start tearing up. The key chain is almost ruined. It is not in a perfect condition anymore. It’s scratched. It’s been through a lot. It’s ready to be thrown in the garbage. Just like our relationship. Scratched, ruined, destroyed. I always thought we would last more than a key chain. I thought we would last forever. I thought we had something that the years wouldn’t be able to demolish. But there you go. Me and You are much as destroyed as the f****ing key chain.

I spoke with my mum today. She asked if I was thinking about you. “The whole day” I answered. “Anytime, every time, the whole time”. There was a big silence. I said “it’s normal”. I said “this feeling it would pass”. I said “I just needed more time”. Not sure if I believe that. Will I? Will I forget you? Will I open my eyes one day and not think about you?

I couldn’t break my mother’s heart. I couldn’t tell her how much I miss you. What kind of pain you have caused me. I didn’t say how much I suffer.

I saw a movie the other night. “Jayne Eyre” by Jayne Austin. It was about love. True, magical, chaotic but at the same time strong, unbreakable love. Love full of drama, full of fear, full of anger, full of resentment but still, love. The kind of love I was always imagining we would have. But people don’t love nowadays. People don’t know how to love nowadays.

I didn’t want the “hollywood love”. I didn’t want the “honeymoon phase” love. I wanted real love. I wanted crazy, immature, full of fights, full of happiness, full of everything love. Abstract love. Everlasting love. Messy love. Love that would have its ups and downs but a love that would never die. But your love, if it was ever, love, did die. And left me with a f***ing destroyed key chain.

Fine. Come take back your key. Give it to your new “love”. And I’ll act like you never existed. I’ll silence my pain inside me. I’ll give myself the closure that you never gave me. I’ll hide my feelings. I’ll hide my tears. You left me no choice, whatsoever. I’ll give you back your keys, I’ll take a deep breath, I’ll fake a smile and I’ll forget about you. And as the time passes my fake smile will become real. I’ll take you out of mind, I’ll take you out of my heart. Time will heal everything. Your thought will fade. Just like you let our love fade.

Stay strong readers. This too shall pass.

He came by my house to leave my stuff. He was sweet and kind. It felt nice seeing him. I know he has a new girlfriend. I didn’t ask much. We had a small talk. He looked great in his stupid yellow hoodie. He left. I didn’t cry. I was fine. I was feeling ok. After all we were never in a relationship. It was me, for three years who was trying to create a relationship.

The next day I went for lunch with my bestie around Notting Hill. We were having fun but at some point I started talking about him. Obviously, he was on my mind. It’s weird for me being in London and knowing that I cannot text him. And suddenly it happened. There he was. He walked by. I saw him through the window. He was holding hands with a blonde girl. It was him. I recognised him from his coat. This coat in which he always looked so attractive. I recognised him from the way he walked. The back of his neck. His long legs. It was him. The pain was excruciating.

My eyes started to tear up. I started shaking. My friend was trying to calm me down, saying all the right things. I honestly couldn’t hear her. I was deaf from what I just saw. Him with his new girlfriend. Funny how I thought I was okay with that. Funny how I thought I would never cry for him again.

I love him. I still love him. He never did, but I do. To me he is the perfect man. He’s one of my favourite human beings on this planet. Did I put him on a pedestal? Maybe. I bet he doesn’t even care where I am or what I’m doing. And here I am, still missing him. Here I am still writing my love for him. But that’s okay. Love isn’t always reciprocated. That’s the risk you’re taking when you fall in love.

I think about him everyday. Cannot stand listening to a sad song without having a drink. I miss him. And I will keep on missing him for a long time. But life goes on. Nobody cares about my broken heart. There’s nothing else for me to do than accept it and move on. I’ll love again. I’ll fall in love again. And it will be better. He will be a better match for me.

I wish him all the happiness in his life. He deserves it. He broke my heart but it wasn’t his fault that I loved him. I just wasn’t what he was looking for. And that happens. I wish I’ll forget him.

I will. I will forget him. I just need time. I loved him with all my heart. But life goes on. And I know that. I’m just trying to figure out how to focus on my life when all I think about is him. I need some inner peace which right now I cannot find inside me. Wish me luck.

Goodbye you, my love of three years. Stay safe.

Two years ago I was desperately trying to find myself. Figure out who I was and what I wanted out of my life. I was feeling lost. To be honest I never really knew who I was. And I never really cared to know. Cause I was happy. And content. Just the way I was. But the last few years I wasn’t happy. And all the “life gurus” on the internet had the same mantra which they kept repeating: “Find yourself”.

So what does really mean when you’re feeling lost? Why are you feeling stuck in your life? For me, I realised that I was out of alignment. I was hearing about this alignment thing from many spiritual gurus. I couldn’t understand what being out of alignment meant. And then one day, I got it. Feeling out of alignment means that you do no live live through your own true values. You don’t live up to who you really are. You’re following society rules that may not be true to you. You live for the expectations others have for you. You lost yourself cause you’re used to hearing what you should do. There’s so much noise, that you can barely hear yourself anymore. Your true wishes. When you’re doing things that you don’t wanna do or you’re feeling that you’re doing things just because you think you should, you get out of alignment. Simple as that.

Not having the courage to follow your desires gets you out of alignment. Studying something that you don’t really want to study but your parents convinced you that it’s gonna be good for your future. Help a friend or someone in your circle when you don’t really wanna help them. Not being able to express the real you to your family, cause they would never accept you for being gay. All of these are examples that can get you out of alignment.

So I spent one year trying to figure out who I am. I never figured it out. But I started putting boundaries to people. People that thought they had the right to tell me who I need to be or what I should do. I stopped saying yes when I wanted to say no. It’s not as hard as it sounds. It just takes practice. After a year of implementing those changes I realised I still didn’t know who I was, but I was feeling better. Stronger. Just because I learned to stop accepting disrespect and started saying no. I once heard a quote “when it’s not a hell yes it’s a no”. Don’t make your decision making more difficult than it really is. Great advice.

After all these years not being able to figure out who I am I came to the conclusion that you don’t need to know who you are. You really don’t. We are human beings. We grow up and we change. Constantly. What you liked in your twenties you might not like it in your thirties. And it’s normal. Even your style might change by the years. Even your taste on men or women. So why do you have to know who are you? Life is small. Really small. Have you ever though how much pressure you put on yourself when you say “I am that and I will be that for the rest of my life”. No. That’s not how we should live our lives. That takes all the fun away. You don’t have to know who you are. Explore it. Live it. When I was thirteen I didn’t like lentils. But I like them now. -That was not the best example that I meant when I said explore your life, but you get the point. When I first tasted wine I hated it. But I enjoy it now. When I was seventeen I didn’t like working out. But I do now. It makes me feel powerful and takes my stress away. Don’t try to fit into one category. You don’t have to. You have many skills and talents to explore.

Have fun. Do whatever you want, as long as it’s legal and safe. Don’t care about what Emma would think. Who even cares? Do you like girls? Own it. Do whatever puts your heart on fire. Don’t worry if they judge you, or not accept you. It’s not your problem. It’s theirs. Live fully. Have fun. Be joyful. Stop trying to find who you are cause you’ll be searching your whole life. You’ll never really know cause you keep on changing. Do what makes you feel good. And what doesn’t? Stop it. You have the power to create the life of your dreams. You have the power to make your own choices. For your very best change.

To finish this post I will leave you with with some lines of Mark Manson’s book -The subtle art of not giving a fuck. -Seriously, read this book. Manson states: “Knowing yourself or finding yourself can be dangerous. It can cement you into a strict role and saddle you with unnecessary expectations. It can close you off to inner potential and outer opportunities. I say don’t find yourself. I say never know who you are. Because that’s what keeps you striving and discovering. And it forces you remain humble in your judgements and accepting of the differences in others”. In other words if you think you are a certain way, you will never try new things, new experiences. It will threaten your identity way too much. This certain way of being is all you know how to be and you will try to protect who you think you are. You will try to live up to the values of who you said to yourself you are and you will try to maintain and justify them. Even if you don’t mean to, that’s how our brain is wired. Don’t take the fun away. Don’t ever know who you are. The choice is yours.

I have been single, three years now. Not that I didn’t want to get into a relationship but sadly, because these last years I never met anyone I truly felt a connection with. Attraction is a complex thing. Hard to find. I was dating but nothing really worked out. And then, I met my ex.

The last two and a half years in London I was actively searching for love. No matter how much I wanted it, it didn’t come. To be honest I was feeling a little flat in my life. I missed love. I missed falling in love. I missed the feeling. This feeling of feeling alive that love gives you on the first stages of a relationship. I remember saying to myself and my besties “I want to fall in love!”. My wish decided to come true.

Summer of 2020 and I was in my hometown in Greece. I remember being on my niece’s baptism and being at my worst. I was feeling sad, unhappy and unloved. A guy I was dating had ghosted me with no real explanation. I was really upset. Two days after, one my girlfriend’s friend, a male friend asked me out. Sure I thought. Why not, staying at home crying about all I haven’t accomplished in my life isn’t a better idea. I could use some alcohol and a friendly company, I thought. I knew this man. I knew him through my bestie, Mary. He was kind, funny, and handsome. It never crossed my mind though that me and him could be something more than friends.

I was wrong. First date and the chemistry between us was good. Actually it wasn’t good. It was perfect. Breathtaking. One week later we were officially a couple. I was in seventh heaven. I was glowing, he made me laugh so much and I loved the way he kissed. Everyone around me said I looked happy. -Only imagine how miserable I must have looked. Every minute spent with him passed so quickly. I haven’t felt like that for a long time. I haven’t been in love for a long time. It felt like magic.

Four months into the relationship and there we go, he dumps me. He gave me good reasons for the end of our relationship, still nothing felt genuine to me. I wish men had the balls to be honest. To be able to say I’m over you. It hurts but at least it would be the truth. I can accept that. Feelings change. Life happens. Shit happens. But the bul***it excuses? No, I cannot accept those. Simple cause I’m a grown up woman and very smart to know that in real love there are no excuses. If you really wanna be with someone you try your best. You give it your best shot. Period. But he didn’t wanna try. Maybe his feelings faded. There was nothing I could do, other than accept it.

This relationship felt like a summer love. You know, when the weather is good, and out of nowhere you fall in love. You have the time of your life, you enjoy it fully and by September everything’s over. I won’t lie. This breakup hurt. I liked him. Of course he had bad habits and annoying behaviours like we all do, but I liked him. He was fun to be with. And the chemistry was really good. Another thing which is hard to find.

I had hard time accepting the end, I was at denial. I had a moth of ugly crying, drinking irresponsibly and being grumpy. After a couple of sleepless nights I decided it was time to move on with my life. It hurt, cause I really thought this could go far. This one would last. But it takes two to tango. For one more time my expectations betrayed me. Moral of the story? My wish came true. I did fall in love. But nothing more. So as this old quote says, be careful what you wish for. But even though I now know the end I would still do it all again. Cause it was fun. And what we felt at the time was real. And after all, I felt what I was craving. Alive.

I still miss him sometimes. I truly love him and I wish him the best. I won’t forget how he made me feel. Yet we part ways so I guess we weren’t meant to be. You can’t force love. Love is an energy. It should come naturally. Love is tricky. Love can be painful. I accidentally assumed that his love was real but sadly it was just an excitement of the moment. That’s alright. Life knows better I guess. I trust you, life.

Time for something new. Don’t ever lose hope no matter how painful your last love was. No matter how much you wanted it to work out but it didn’t. There is much love out there. Think abundantly. Love with all you have no matter what. Love is alluring. Don’t hold back. Experience it.

I guess you’re not surprised by the today’s topic. So common nowadays. Cause nobody knows what they want in their lives, nobody’s ready for a serious relationship and it’s very easy to replace someone. Is it? Really?

I’m sure most of you have already been in an open relationship if you’re not in one right now. Most of my friends are casually seeing someone but are not in a relationship with them. What the heck is wrong with our world? What’s so fearful about committing? If you change your mind you can break up right? But it seems like things are more complicated for most of us. Or better said, we like to believe it is. Cause they’re really not.

I remember that I once heard that girls grow up seeing disney movies with prince and princesses and a happy end, fairytale story while the boys grow up watching porn. I also remember my ex boyfriend saying to me that he was always avoiding women between the age of twenty-five to thirty. He said that that’s the age when women are kind of crazy to get married and settle down. I was shocked. I told his statement to a male friend of mine and he agreed saying “Haha, that’s so true”. So I guess that’s why I’m single?! (I’m twenty-seven). My age might scare men.

But I digress. Back to our topic. I believe that open relationships are great when both of the partners don’t want to commit. You just want some support, some great dates and generally you just want to have fun without being seriously committed. And that’s alright. But that rarely happens. Most of us find ourselves in open relationships when we wanted just the opposite. A truly committed partner. So why does that happen? When does everything go so wrong? Why do I hear so many people complaining about how their relationship does not evolve?

Well, unfortunately the answer is quite simple. It’s not as complicated as we think it is. He or she does not always have a commitment problem. He/she is not always traumatised by a relationship of the past. What if he/she just does not wanna be with you? You know, that happens. What if he/she just wanna have fun until they find what they’re really searching for? It’s selfish. I know. But we’re human beings and most the times we are selfish. He might find you funny but he doesn’t wanna be with you. He likes you, but he is doesn’t wanna be with you. He has a great time being around you but he doesn’t wanna be with you. He might even love you but he’s not in love with you. Sorry to ruin it for you but things might actually be much more simple than we wanted to imagine.

Sometimes the other person will be clear with you from the start of the relationship. Sometimes he won’t. But it doesn’t really matter as the result is usually the same. If the relationship isn’t evolving it’s because one of the partners does not want it to evolve. Don’t even try to think that you can change them. Don’t. Just don’t. I tried it, it doesn’t work. Do you know why you liked Bridgerton show on netflix so much? Cause the Lord, Simon who is so opposed to marriage and children, suddenly changes all his beliefs about a woman he loves. Sorry but that rarely happens. It’s the exception to the rule and not the rule.

Whatever the situation, why wait? Seriously why? I waited for someone to decide about if he wanted to be with me for two years. And he still doesn’t know. Or actually he knows, but he never said it. And I’m actually kind of lucky to realise it in the two years mark, do you know how long did it took other women? Eleven years. Yep. Eleven! So really? What exactly are you waiting for? Why do you settle for an open relationship when all you want is a committed one? If you think that he’ll change his mind when he sees how nurturing and beautiful you are, girl wash your face as one of my favourite writers, Rachel Hollis -buy her books, would say. He knows you’re a great person, he knows you are beautiful. He does. But that doesn’t change the fact that he doesn’t wanna be with you. He just doesn’t see the potential you are seeing and that’s okay! Trust me, it’s not about you. It’s really not.

So please, listen to your girl Vicky and do not wait for him to change his mind! Cause he never will! If he was in love with you, he would know it by now. He would have shown it to you. You would be his number one priority and not his third. So stop losing your time. Give him a good hearty kiss and go your own way. A man who’s in love with you, won’t find excuses to justify why he didn’t treat you right. He just won’t do it! A man who’s in love with you won’t hesitate to commit. He will want to be with you. All day err day! Some people just don’t “click”. That’s fine. Shit happens. That’s life. But you might deserve a better one. Ever though about this? The founder of IT cosmetics says that rejection is god’s protection. Whatever you believe in, just run with it.

And on a finish note, do you really wanna be with someone who doesn’t give you 100% of himself? Seriously? I bet it’s more of an ego thing, I mean you ,wanting him so bad that you don’t have them, rather than real love. Stop this insanity right now. You deserve a kind, gorgeous man, who will be crazy in love with you. Who will never make you question his love for you. Nothing less. You deserve better. You deserve more. Stop giving your precious time to relationships that it’s obvious they’re not gonna evolve to something more. Stop having a high tolerance for minimal effort. Don’t see it as a loss. See it as a beautiful experience. Stay fabulous stay, awesome. You got this!

Today I had a bad day. I know it’s normal, I’m human. It’s gonna be okay. But no matter how much I wanna know that everything’s gonna be okay, it doesn’t feel okay. It feels lonely, exhausting and it’s making me questioning my decisions.

The day was rainy –obviously, I live in London. As I was getting ready, I was listening to an audiobook for my daily dose of positivity and inspiration. I dressed up, went about my day and on the way back home I did some groceries. When I finally returned home I stopped outside the building, to take a small break as I was carrying six plastic bottles of water. Usually I take one or two deep breaths and I go straight up to my apartment. But today was different. I was feeling different. I stood there looking around me. Looking at the trees, looking at the rain and I was ready to start sobbing. I was feeling quite vulnerable today. My mind flooded me with questions. “What am I doing here?”, “What am I even doing in this country?”, “It’s so lonely”, “Why haven’t I met a partner yet?”, “Why am I even trying to succeed?”. My negative self-talk kept on going. Finally I took a deep breath and went into my very small apartment. It was empty and cold. I changed clothes and started texting my girlfriends for some mental support. They’re not doing great either. The world feels like is on pause. –Thanks covid. Though it’s not on pause. I’m certainly getting older. Covid already owes me a year of my youthfulness.

Luckily my girlfriends are very supportive and understanding so I felt truly heard as I was nagging about my life. But still I couldn’t stop my overthinking habit. Generally, I think of myself as a powerful woman with great talents and skills. I always wanted to create something extraordinary with my life, and I’m trying. A few days ago I heard on a a motivational podcast that it takes around three years to become very good at something if you give it your focus and energy. And around five to seven years to see the pay off. To see whatever it is that you are creating making you money or give you results. The podcast was about how to not give up while following your dreams and how to be patient. But today I felt like I had no other patience. “I cannot live like this anymore!” I shouted at my girlfriends on the phone. “I need to see some kind of change!”

I want to succeed so badly that I think that is what kept me going. But today I couldn’t handle my feelings. I am twenty seven, I am single, I live in a tiny studio in London and I work so hard to change my situation. I want financial freedom. I wanna be able to create the life that I have imagined. I want to be able to give back. I know that I’m blessed for all that I have, especially my health. I know that many people have it worse than I do but that does not change how I am feeling. I try to be positive. I’m meditating, I’m listening to inspirational speeches and audiobooks to keep on growing and nurturing my mind, but sometimes I still fail to feel driven, motivated or even positive.

A couple of days ago I heard a millionaire, a very famous influencer saying in a video that the situation we are in is hard for everyone and we need to be patient, don’t lose hope and most importantly stay home as much as we can. “Sure must be very easy for you to say that, when you don’t have financial worries and your home is 200% bigger than mine with a beautiful view and a pool”. Those were my exact thoughts when I saw the video. I instantly felt bad. This is not the kind of vibes I wanna have. Jealous vibes, envious vibes. I want to genuinely be happy for other people successes and have an abundant mindset. Not a negative one.

The situation we live in is indeed quite difficult for all of us. People are dying, people are losing their jobs, people cannot pay their bills. It is very easy to point the finger and blame but that doesn’t change your own reality. We’re all suffering lately more that we’re used to. We’re suffering mentally, physically, financially. But the truth is we have no other choice than to stay as positive as we can, have hope and keep on trying for a better tomorrow. We all have breakdowns. We all fail to show up as we would like to. We all lose hope. And it is in fact normal. We need to stay as grateful as we can and keep on working on our goals. As much as we can. Bit by bit. A step forward is better than no movements at all. Be brave, be bold. They say after a rain comes the sun. Have faith, keep on fighting. You are stronger than you think. You can do better. You’re capable of everything. Believe it. Trust yourself. Keep your heads up. This too shall pass.

I guess most of you now have already heard this quote. It’s a famous quote that I don’t know who first said it, but I heard it from the motivational speaker Jim Rohn. Darren Hardy also state in his book The compound effect: “The people you habitually associate with determine as much as 95 percent of your success or failure in life”. If you spend some time thinking about it you’ll realise that that’s true.

I’ve seen it in my own life. If one of your girlfriends is negative, she’s pointing out the negatives so you’ll start focusing on the negatives. Eventually you’ll become negative yourself. If your friends drink, you’ll start drinking more. If your friends eat junk food they’ll drag you into eating non-nutritious food. You’ll be influenced pretty soon. It’s a matter of time. Ever noticed how your friends talk and you suddenly start to pick up on their way of speaking? It’s the same thing. No matter how strong you think you are people around you will influence you. It’s very likely that their habits will become yours. The people you spend the most time with shape who you are. They determine what conversations dominate your attention. They affect to which attitudes and behaviours you are regularly exposed. Eventually you start to think like they think and behave like they behave.

The most dumb things I’ve done in my life I’ve done them when I was influenced by other people. Did they have bad habits? I would form them too. That way I was likeable. I was a part of the tribe. I felt cool. That’s how I started forming habits I thought I would never have. Smoking? Me? No way. Well all my friends were smoking. I had to try. Who do you wanna be in this life? Have you thought about it or are you going with the flow? You’re definitely not gonna be successful in life if you keep on going with the flow. Be careful who you hang around with. Negativity is contagious. Positivity also is. The choice is yours.

Tony Robbins has an amazing quote. “You’re a direct correlation of the expectations of your peers”. If you’re around people who don’t expect much, your life is probably not gonna be much. If you’re around people who expect greatness, you’re gonna have to step up into that greatness if you want to stay hanging around with them. Don’t underestimate how much someone can influence you. Friends, family, partner they’re all an influence to you. The most time you spend with them the most possible is to become like them. Try to be around people who bring out the best in you. Positive people, who will push you further to be a better version of yourself. People who will motivate you to take action on your future. People who will call you out on your bul****t and won’t engage to them with you. Also keep in mind that some people can also give you the wrong advice. For example, family members. They might truly want the best for you, but take it with a grain of salt cause even if they do, they might not guide you to the right path for your life.

So, who do you wanna be? Look at the people around you. The people you hang around the most. Are they who you aspire to be? And if they don’t do they seem to want greatness in life? Do they try to grow themselves? Do they have good habits? Do they want to form better habits? Take a look at your partner. Notice the beliefs of your own family. Take a close look at all of them cause they are a great influence to you. Who do you want to be? Do they help you be that amazing version of yourself that you aspire to be or they drag you down? Take some time for yourself and think carefully of your actions and your daily habits. Are they yours or are you influenced by someone else? Who do you wanna be? Who do you wanna become?

The life is yours and only yours. You are the one who will have to deal with the consequences of your decisions. Choose wisely. I know you can do it. I believe in you. You can achieve anything you want in life, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You can become the best version of yourself. Start now. Grow yourself. Form better habits. One at a a time. When one is accomplished, move to next one. Small tiny tweaks here and there. That’s how you change who you are. Be brave. Be bold. You got this.

I am pissed off. I am. Mostly because I’ve allowed many people in my life to treat me with disrespect and still, I accepted it. People of any kind but mostly, men. Respect is one of the most important qualities for a relationship to thrive. But many of us allow people to mistreat us. Many women don’t call out their partners on their unacceptable behaviour, because they’re usually that stupid to think they do not deserve better. I’m sorry, that was harsh, I know, it was a bit of a tough love. The only individuals who will allow someone to treat them disrespectfully are the ones with low self-esteem. I know cause I am one of them.

Today I had an appointment with my gynaecologist for a quick check up. The clinic was very busy so I had to wait. In the waiting room there was a young lady who had just come out of a surgery. A surgical abortion. Don’t ask how I know this. I know. I’m a smart lady and I heard the nurse asking her some intimate questions. She was sitting near me with a warm tea. She was talking on the phone in a language I couldn’t understand. She seemed mad. One of the nurses came to ask her if she was ok and if she would like her to call her an uber home. The girl replied that her boyfriend would come to pick her up but she would have to wait 40 minutes. She seemed relieved but still mad. I felt for her. Suddenly, I had a big desire to tell her to say to her boyfriend not to bother coming and to never talk to him again cause he’s an as****e. But I couldn’t. First of all she would think I am a crazy person that sticks her nose in other people businesses, secondly she would realise that when I was pretending to look at my phone I was spying on her, and thirdly I couldn’t ask her to do that because if I was in her shoes probably I would also wait for my boyfriend to arrive. Yeah cause I’m that dump. I would hope that one day he would change. Like I always did in my life.

This girl had just had an abortion and I cannot even think on what kind of an emotional situation she was at. And she was alone. Her boyfriend who clearly was also responsible for that incident was not even there, and furthermore, she had to beg him to come and pick her up. Yeah ladies. Yep. That’s a perfectly awful example of what can happen to you when you hold on to a partner who showed you numerous times that he is not worthy of your time and effort. Love as strong as it may be cannot fix another person’s character. It cannot. If he disrespects you once you have to set clear boundaries about what you’re gonna accept and what you won’t. If he does it again you’ll have to protect yourself by leaving. No matter how much you care about someone you should never let them chip away at your self-worth. Don’t accept this kind of behaviour from anyone. Don’t hold on to a relationship just because of the expectations you had. He clearly doesn’t deserve to be a part of your life. There’s gonna be a much better suitable partner for you who will treat you with respect. There are amazing men out there. Men who were brought up by beautiful women who taught them how to respect the females around them.

I’ve been there. I’ve had partners who disrespected me and I didn’t have the guts to speak out for myself. No matter how much you think you can forgive, a relationship without respect is never gonna work. I know it’s hard to let go but eventually you’ll realise that it was the best thing you could do, for your own sanity. Respect should be a non-negotiable. Work on your self-esteem. It’s a process but you’ll get there. Relationships should make us happy and bring the best in us. That’s what relationships are for. Being hurt is part of life. The rough times are gonna come, but they have not come to stay. Stay strong, stay encouraged. Stick your chest out. Walk with pride. You matter. You deserve the best.

So what is numbing? A quick google search tells me that numbness describes a loss of sensation or feeling in a part of your body. You can also feel numb when you’re unable to think, feel or react normally because of something that shocks you or upsets you. But today we’re gonna talk about a different kind of numbness. Intentional numbing.

When I first heard that people intentionally numb themselves I didn’t get the meaning of it. Numbing yourself? Why would you do that? Well now I know. Especially cause I’ve done it to myself countless times. I wasn’t aware that I was doing it, but I was. Numbing myself was an unsuccessful way of me trying to protect myself from my uncomfortable and negative feelings. Numbing feels nice, can’t lie about it. It’s a way of shutting down your bad feelings and experiences. Numbing became my favourite coping tool to not confronting my problems or emotions. Convenient right? Oh, I know.

Uncomfortable thoughts today? Oh, let me have a glass of wine. Really like the guy I’m dating and I’m afraid of looking stupid? Let me order a second cocktail. Feeling stressed? Let me have a piece of cake, even though I’m not hungry. All these are very common examples of numbing. Not to mention the use of drugs or smoking. All of them numbing. And let me tell you, they do the job perfectly! Momentarily though.. In the long process? Not helpful at all. They’re all coping mechanisms to distract ourselves. Feels better to hold a cigarette in your hands and seem occupied when your girlfriends left you alone at the party and no one is talking to you. It’s easier to drink three glasses of wine tonight so you don’t have to deal with your problems. It feels better to eat a whole packet of cookies than to face the fact that you feel emotionally disconnected with everyone, right? I know. I get it. I’ve been there. And because I’ve been there I can tell you with total certainty that creating a bigger problem than the ones you already have isn’t helpful.

We’ve seen it in movies and TV shows. You just broke up? Let’s get drunk. You feel lonely? Let me buy you a bar of chocolate. We’ve seen it so many times that we ended up normalising it. But trust me, numbing your pain isn’t normal. Neither useful. There are other practices though to help us feel mentally stable. You think I prefer meditating than drinking? No, I prefer the wine. But really what is gonna help me in the long run? Numbing the pain or facing it? Numbing is an easy habit to adopt. But I know you can do better than this.

One of my favourite writers, Glennon Doyle, once said that when she became sober she remembered why she started drinking in the first place. Yep. Exactly. Cause life is hard. Life is meant to be hard. Life is full of challenges we need to accept them in order to grow and become stronger. You didn’t sign up for an easy life. You didn’t. That’s what makes life so beautiful and precious. The hard days. The pain. You’re a human being. And do you know what it means to be human? To feel your feelings. To feel everything. The bad and the good. There’s not a single human being on this planet earth that is always happy. There isn’t. Being human means to be mad, to feel misery, feel angry, feel rage, feel unhappy, sad, worthless at times, to feel everything. You’re not a weirdo. Trust me you’re not. Let them act like they have it all together, believe me they don’t. We all try to show our best selves in social media and in real life. But being happy all the time is not real. It can’t be.

It’s ok to drink more than you should cause you feel like it, it’s ok to eat chocolate so quickly that you don’t even notice its flavour. It’s ok. Cause you’re human. And humans are imperfect. Just don’t make it a habit. Try to be aware of your actions. Forgive yourself and next time you’ll do better. Next time you’ll enjoy the chocolate instead of swallowing it in thirty seconds.

You’re strong. You’re capable of facing any challenge that comes your way. Believe in yourself, and you’re halfway there. You are precious with unique talents, skills and gifts in this world. Face the difficult times, face the fear. You can do it. You know you can. You’re here to shine no matter what happens, no matter your past and no matter how stuck, sad or alone you feel right now. There’s not a secret that successful and happy people know that we don’t. It’s all a matter of small tiny daily habits that change someone’s projection of life. Start small. Create good helpful habits and in a matter of time you’ll be a completely different person. You deserve the gift of life you have been given. Make it count. I believe in you. You got this.