Author: Vicky_G

Let’s talk about a common theme in this day and age. Falling in love with someone because of what you hoped him to be, than who he really is. This happened to me a couple of times. I guess it has happened to you too. We’ve all done it. Not because we wanted to, but just because we weren’t aware of it.

When I was twenty four I experienced the worse heartbreak of my life. The man I though I would end up with, decided it would be better for us to part ways. I was devastated for a good three months of my life, or maybe more. I was always a relationship kind of person and as a young romantic girl I always wanted the perfect wedding and the beautiful family. After this failed relationship I caught myself for the first time, actively searching for a partner. I wanted a relationship in my life. A real connection. An imperfect but yet great partnership. My longing to find the man of my dreams made me fall in love with the wrong men. Unconsciously I stopped paying attention to who the other person really was but who I wanted them to be. I wasn’t paying attention to the red flags. How they made me feel, if I was really compatible with them. If they were showing real interest, if they were making an effort to the relationship, if the sex was good. For everything that wasn’t great, I had an excuse. I so desperately wanted to achieve my desire that I wasn’t seeing clearly. I was creating a false image of the other person. It didn’t matter who the other person really was cause I’ve already decided who they would be. I slowly created the perfect environment for me to get hurt.

My needs weren’t met, my desires neither. After one year of dating someone, I realised it was time for me to accept the fact that this man is not my one. As much as I wanted him to be, he just wasn’t. We weren’t compatible and we didn’t have the chemistry I was hoping for us to have. I rarely had the time of my life with him and he never met my needs. As I’m reflecting back to the time I spent with him I feel sorry for myself. But hey, I guess that’s growth, right? I don’t even know if I really knew him. Did I ever see him for who he truly is? Did he even know me? I was always trying to be the perfect girl around him that I highly doubt he knew my honest personality. The real me.

We all have expectations and desires. But do you really want a special connection with someone or just to complete your wishlist? Time to stop pretending. Time to stop searching. Time to really live. If it comes great if it doesn’t still great. Do you want a partner because of your insecurities? Do you want to get married just to prove something? Or do you really want it? Work on yourself. Follow your dreams, follow your instincts, try for a happier you. And at some point you’ll find another happy human being to share your happiness with. Stop searching. If it is meant to happen it just will. Naturally. I’m still actively looking for my perfect match, it’s a hard habit to stop. But do as I say not as I do. Love shouldn’t be hard, love shouldn’t feel hard. You don’t have to try hard to gain the attention of a man. Just be yourself. No masks, no armours, no pretending. Just you. Try to be a better version of you, every single day. Grow yourself, focus on your talents and skills. Be bold. Be brave. That’s the most attractive thing a woman can do.

Love. Falling in love. The ultimate feeling. Love. Real love. We all wanna feel it. We all wanna live it. We all miss it. We’ re searching for it. Love that isn’t hurting. Love that heals. Love that conquers all. Love is one of the most important needs for a human being. Without love we cannot survive. We’re searching for a partner. We’re searching for a soulmate. Why is it so hard to find? We all crave love but at the same time we don’t give a chance to it.

I was imagining the love of my life since I was very young. I wanted to meet love. I wanted to feel what it was like. I miss love more than ever. I loved before. I loved a lot. But it didn’t work out. Not cause I didn’t want it but because they gave up. They didn’t love me like I did. Love is not complicated. It is not. It just is. Real love won’t hurt. Real love won’t leave. It might be messed up, but real love won’t leave.

Love is not an easy thing. Love is not effortless. It actually requires real effort. The passion, the honeymoon phase doesn’t last long. It shouldn’t last long. But love does. Love lasts forever. Love is not an easy thing. Do you have what it really takes to love someone?

Every time you love someone you’re taking the risk of being hurt. Really hurt. You put on your big girl pants and you give things a shot. You don’t get all that goodness and possibility with zero risk. Love isn’t easy. Love needs effort. Love is not like the movies. Love is messy, is silly. You do stupid things for love. Love is a struggle. I’m sorry to ruin it for you but love isn’t effortless. Everyday you have to try your best or the love is not gonna last. Love is hard. Don’t try it if you’re not ready.

If you want love, genuine love, unconditional love, you have to give it first. Love them as much as you wish they loved you. If they leave, wish them well. When love comes, you’ll know it. You’ll feel it in your bones. Try for love. Fight for love. Give love a chance. There’s not perfect love. But there’s real love. Life is small. Super small. Make it count. Love as hard as you can. Just love.

Saturday night at my male friend’s house. Since lockdown we really wanna have proper Saturdays. Good music, some food and delicious cocktails. Just me and him. Cause I understand him better than anyone, cause he bears me better than anyone. I’m not an easy person and he’s not either. That’s what maybe makes us inseparable.

I haven’t eaten much that Saturday. Cause of course, I’m on a diet. Calorie deficit. However you wanna call it. -Hashtag my good old friends, insecurities. So the alcohol of my old fashioned has really kicked in. I’m starting feeling tipsy. And what do I do when I get tipsy? Of course. I talk. A lot. In general I’m very good at wearing my mask. You know which mask I’m talking about, the mask of pretending. That I am SO happy, that I am SO full of confidence, that I have everything under control. Trust me, people believe me. But this friend? Uh, uh no. He knows when I’m sad, it’s like he can look through my eyes. My bullshit mask isn’t befooling him. He’s way smarter than I am. As much as I love him, he has a quality I really hate about him. He can unravel all my traumas, all my very well hidden secrets. He can make me speak my truth. I honestly don’t know how he does it. But every time he manages to make me say everything I have in my mind. Even the things I would never want him to know about me. He’s the most beautiful man I’ve ever laid my eyes upon. He’s intelligent, successful and confident. After all he’s a man I always wanted to impress. Every time I spend time with him I try to be my good self. You know, the funny one, the confident one, the full of life one. But I can’t. Cause for now I’m not. That’s just my mask.

Deep conversations are everything to me. I hate the small talk. And that’s why I love talking with this friend. Our conversations are deep. But this Saturday I really lost control. I think at some point my friend stole my mask. Or I dropped it somewhere. So, I started talking. About all the things I so desperately want in my life. About all my needs and unmet expectations. Cause of course that’s all I wanted my very attractive single male friend to know about me. -kill me now.

I guess it was a combination of me feeling tipsy and vulnerable, plus him engaging in the conversation so I kinda said it all. I shared my fears, regrets and scars I accumulated over the years that really hurt right now. I think I even said that my life sometimes feel unbearable. -Note to self: Eat before putting alcohol into your body! Don’t get me wrong I don’t hate my life. I actually quite like it and I’m very proud of the woman I have become over the years. Is just that sometimes I feel so completely stuck, sad or alone that life does feel unbearable.

So I had some drinks and I said truths I wish I never have. I guess that’s the vulnerability Brene Brown talks about. Take off the masks and armours and just be vulnerable. That’s the path to real and true connection. But I’m wearing this mask for so long, I don’t even know who I am without it. I feel so totally naked without it. It feels uncomfortable not wearing it. I don’t know how to do vulnerability. I’m afraid of vulnerability just because I might be perceived as weak. But you know what? I think Brene is right. Being real feels peaceful. It might feel shameful at first but trust me. It’s not. It’s liberating. We cannot lead fake lives. We do not deserve to be in our deathbeds and wishing we had been true to ourselves and to other people around us. Be bold. Be brave. Be yourself. Speaking your truth isn’ t shameful. Leading a fake life is. You are more than enough. Live the life you want to live, not the life you think others expect from you. Be the real you. You deserve joy. You deserve happiness. Get rid of the stupid mask. You are better off without it.

I’m hating on a girl I haven’t even met. I don’t know her. She didn’t do anything to me. She doesn’t even know I exist. The reason I hate her? She had a man, I never had. She had the title I never had. She was his girlfriend. And I was never his girlfriend. -don’t act like you don’t know what I’m taking about. You’ve done it, silently too. Damn you love.

The story went like this. I was a newbie in London. I was in London barely three months. I met someone. I fell in love. We dated. He said he wasn’t ready for a relationship. Not that I’ve asked him or something. I guess he just wanted to be clear about his intentions. Did I believe him though? No. I didn’t even get upset about this statement. I was kinda annoyed. You know, I complained to my girlfriends “I’m gonna die alone”. But I kept on dating him. Cause I liked him. A lot. We had everything that a couple has. The date nights, the hugs, the laughs, the ongoing phone calls. But we didn’t have the title. I didn’t have the title. The “girlfriend” title. I was patient. I knew he liked me. I was waiting. For the day he would ask me to be his girlfriend. I waited. I waited for two years. -I know I’m the best on losing my dignity.

Around the two years mark of the “relationship” we started getting distant. I hadn’t seen him in more than a month and I knew something was up. So I asked him “Are you seeing anyone?” Oh man, he did. I knew it before I even saw what his text. I knew. I was feeling it in my gut. Yeah.. I had the ugly cry. -Damn you love.

Months went by, I dated another man. It wasn’t successful. His efforts of building something new weren’t successful either. I know, as we ended up talking again six months later. -Hey did anyone see my dignity? And that was when I found out. That the girl he was seeing had the title. She had the privilege of being his girlfriend. Something that I was trying to earn for two years, she managed it in just one month. Or less. As a woman with my own insecurities, I blamed myself. Felt not good enough. You know the new epidemic, of not enoughness.

Sadly, I found out who she was. And thanks to social media I looked her up. Cause I’m such a creep. No. I’m not a creep. I was a madly in-love woman. -without dignity. A woman in love with the wrong guy. You know which one, the one who never sees your worth? This one.

So, I looked her up. And what I saw was, um, yeah, not the surprise I wanted. She was actually very beautiful. But very beautiful. I stopped myself from looking for more photos of her to save me from my comparison game. To save me from my inner bad critic. It didn’t work. It was too late. I couldn’t stop the comparisonitis. She looked quite similar to me. Long black hair, good style. But she had a different kind of beauty. And she had something I couldn’t reach. She made him fall in love with her.

I can continue to play my victim card but no. Life is not like that. The truth is that I made my choices. I kept dating a guy who had no intentions of seeing me seriously. But I decided not to see it. Do you know what I’ve learned from trying to figure out what exactly is jealousy? Or better said, envy, which was what I really felt. Envy is a feeling of resentful longing aroused by someone else’s possessions, qualities or luck. Envy is something that we all experience. Something that we never openly admit, as we usually feel shameful to feel this way. But it is completely normal. Let’s see what envy can teach us. Feeling envious about someone is a true depiction of what we feel we miss in our lives. Envy can really help us understand ourselves better and show us some desires we didn’t even know we had. In my own story what I really missed was companionship. A relationship. A man who would love me. That’s what I wanted and that’s why I felt this way. But you know what? Good for her. And good for him. I’m happy that they experienced their love as much as it lasted. Cause after two years by his side, I do really love him. Maybe he’s not my prince -grow up Vicky, maybe he’s not my one.

Heartbreaks are normal. Falling in love with the wrong one is also normal. I don’t hate her. She doesn’t deserve it. She’s just a young lady trying to find love, just like I do.

Hey, stay positive. Keep on trusting. Keep on believing in magic. Don’t lose your hope. We might even deserve someone better than the one we chose that would be a good match for us. The right one will come when we’re ready. Focus on yourself. Grow yourself as much as you can. Take risks. Be brave. Be fearless. Love will hurt. That’s the beauty of it. Don’t hate. Be genuinely happy for others as hard as it may seem. Heads up. We got it. And look jealousy for what it really is. Another clue to what you can improve in your life. Stay brave. Stay bold. You are lovable. You are ENOUGH.

Yeah the title is moving out. Not me, unfortunately. Don’t get me wrong, the place I live is, let’s say sweet. It’s small but cosy. I live in a small apartment – I wish, well, I live in a small studio near Notting Hill. I’m 27, Greek, and I moved here for studies, and apparently I’m still here. My friend who is moving out, is a male friend. A 30 year old, very beautiful and super successful friend I made the first year I moved in London. His intelligence made him earn more money so he decided to move. Good for him. I mean seriously, he can afford a better place now, and he deserves it. He would be way more comfortable in a bigger apartment. -his apartment was already a bomb. Me jealous? No! You think that’s why I am writing a post at 3:38 am? No! … Well ok, you got me. I am. Kinda.

I am a 27 year old young -don’t laugh lady that wants to be successful, as my friend is. The thing is, what I do is way more abstract than what he does. And he has a plan, and I, well I.. I don’t know what the heck I’m doing. He called me two days ago to announce to me that he was moving. Oh boy, I was jealous. I really wanna move. Do the very loud neighbours annoy me? Nooo, don’t say that. Do I care that my place is built on the 1800s? Nooo, of course not. Why?, because I grew up in a very big and new shiny home? No, I don’t even care. I don’t compare. -Jokes on me. Would I wish that this beautiful 30 year old friend finally realise that I am the love of his life and asked me to move in with him? Hell no! why would you think that? Ok, well I might have a crush on him since the day I met him, but no, he doesn’t see me that way so… OK fine I have a big crush on him! It’s not my fault I like good looking, tall, successful men ok?

The thing is, he didn’t ask to move in with him. He doesn’t see the potential I see in this relationship between the two of us. And finally, truthfully I cannot afford to move, in a different apartment, on my own, at least. So, I guess it is what it is. I’m gonna find the patience to work hard on my dreams, and be able to afford the lifestyle I want at some point of my life.

I don’t know. I mean it’s so hard sometimes. To see other people from your circle, succeeding while you’ re still in the same place. Some of my friends are married. Others are having or already had children. And what do I have? Well. I moved in another country. Red one hundred thousand books and I’m still finding my way in life. Will I ever be successful? I don’t know. Will I ever meet the man of my life? I don’t know. Will I ever be able to afford a place like the one my friend is able to afford? I don’t know. I hope so. There’s one thing I know. No matter how much your parents or your siblings or your friends love you, no one can save you. No one can chase your dreams for you. No one can put the hard work for you. This is something you gotta do. For you. Keep your head up people. Life is hard, no one promised you an easy life. Work on your goals. Work for the life you wanna create. Nobody can do that for you. You are the author of your life. People can support you, but they cannot do the work for you. Heads up. You’re stronger than you think. You can do this. Cry if you want. I do this every day. But remember, every day is a new beginning. Every day you have the capacity to create something different than yesterday. You are the creator of this life. Choose wisely. Great things, come to great people when they try. When they have the audacity and the vulnerability to show who they really are. Be brave. Be bold. You got this. And if no one told you today, I believe in you. YOU matter.

Hello lovebirds! Seriously, if you’re in love leave this page. You’re not gonna find it relatable. If you are single though, hey!! Let’s talk about how lonely we feel and how much we dread all these super cute loving couples that found their soulmates! yeah!!

A few days ago it was Valentine’s Day. So cute! -god I hate this day. As if it wasn’t already enough that we are reminded every single day how we failed to find our match, we have a specific day, every year that all the lovers are celebrating! Give me a break! I don’t like this day, for many reasons, but most importantly because every year I have no one to celebrate it with. I don’t mind that other people are happy, really I’m a great person. I just find it unfair for the rest of us, the single ones. Well I don’t know if the jealousy is talking right now, or the amazing old fashioned I’m drinking. I just believe that there’s a wound inside all the single people that is bleeding heavily on this day. We might still be heartbroken from our last relationship or just really miss a good hearty hug.

Classic me, on the 14th of February I logged into my instagram account and watched all of the stories. All of them were about flowers, heart-shaped chocolates and cute couple’s proposals or a story of how two people met. I don’t know why I binged watching these stories. It was like I was trying to justify to myself how unlucky I am to haven’t met the one. -Yeap that’s how my brain works, lucky me!

This day, 14th of February, I was about to receive a package from gymshark. I went downstairs to grab it, I saw the delivery guy, and he told me “hey I left it in there”. I realised that the name on the package wasn’t mine. My name is not Natasha. Well I couldn’t really see though the packaging, but it seemed to be a beautiful bouquet of flowers. Damn it, I’m so jealous. Flowers? What a beautiful gesture.

Well, you know what? I’m still young -I guess, I am beautiful, I am capable of many things -instead of finding a boyfriend and next year I might receive flowers. Who knows? The truth is I crave love. And I’m not ashamed of admitting it. And you shouldn’t be either. Feelings are to be felt. I can live a happy life with or without a man by my side. And you can do too. But it’s ok if you want it. Love is the ultimate feeling and it’s super human to crave it.

The reason I wrote this today was to tell you that we have all dreaded people on one point or another for having something that we don’t have. We’ve all felt lonely and incapable of love, and that’s okay. Thoughts are just thoughts. Thoughts are not a depiction of our reality. And on that note, I wanted to say: If have something to say to someone, say it. Call them, send them a message. If you want to say I’m sorry or I love you, just freaking say it. Life is small, you know that. Who cares about their answer or if you will eventually receive one. Just be truthful today. You might feel better inside. A little bit more peaceful. Stay brave, stay fabulous, and remember, you can do anything and become whoever you desire in this life. As Marie Forleo said, everything is figureoutable. Cheers to that!

A couple of days ago it was my birthday. I am officially 27. Twenty-seven. A hard fact to swallow. I am three years away from thirty. To be honest, I feel old. I feel old for the things I want to achieve in my life. There’s something scary about birthdays. The older you get -for me at least, the scariest the day of your birthday becomes. What mattered for me that day though, was how I felt. And I was feeling pretty crappy. And sadly I was feeling like that most of this past entire year.

I did celebrate my birthday, just with one friend at home. -thanks covid. I felt weird. I remember looking at this chocolatey cake which had two candles on top a “2” and a “7”, and I was feeling so alone. I had to make a wish. I always make a wish before I blew the candles. The last four years I always made the same wish. “Find my one”. -yep, I’ m four years single, judge me. Four years single. I dated some men. Didn’t work out.

This year I decided to make a different wish. Not for men this time. Just for myself. Something that I am able to control. Because a wish that you can control has more chances of actually coming true.

Hey, single ladies out there, I know you made the same wish 100 times. Yeah, this one which includes a man. I know cause I’m a woman. I know, cause my besties are open and vulnerable with me. I know how hard it is to want so badly a partnership but not having one. I know how it feels, thinking that you tried so hard but still, everything failed. I know the pain of unsuccessful dates, I know the awful pain of a heartbreak, the pain of rejection. I know. I know cause falling in love is beautiful. Falling in love is magical. Everything seems better when you’re in love, everything is easier when you have a true, honest, respectful relationship. Love is a blessing.

At the start of the year I said to myself, “I’m done with trying to find a man”. What a liar am I. The desire is still there. I’m not desperate, I never was. It’s not shame to want to have a relationship. I know, that deep down all of us want, to finally meet this one with whom we can share our precious life with. Love is an essential part of happiness. I want the laughs, I want the joy, I want the stupid fights, I want the hugs, the kisses.. I want everything. Love makes you feel alive. Unfortunately we cannot control when love will happen to us. The only thing we can do is trust. It breaks my heart that I am 27 and I don’t have a special someone in my life. But it is what it is. Can’t change it. It’s out of my control. Let’s just focus on ourselves instead. Let’s follow our dreams, let’s try to be the best version of ourselves and the right time for us will come. I know that many people feel alone, more than ever now, but don’t give up. Don’t lose hope. Never stop believing. When the time is right, he will come. Stay brave, stay fabulous. You got this.